Thursday, October 11, 2012

More Love, Less Hate

Hmmmmm... I don't know how to start this post. As I was scrolling around my tumblr dashboard, I saw this quote "more love, less hate" which the title itself as well. I've seen it for the past few months already and I just didn't mind it, didn't appreciate it at all, the meaning to be specific because of too much hatred feeling I had. But now, its totally different. Let's say my aura for the past few months had changed. And thaaaaank God! I have this light feeling now :) To start the story going, it really wasn't easy for me living my life this past few months. That feeling when you feel so miserable because of that one person who was gone in your life. Yes, I've been in misery. I was the one who broke up, but he was the one who gave me reason to do so. I walked away, but he didn't chase me after. Isn't that painful for a girl? well it was, painful indeed. But that doesn't end the story. And what's worse? he had somebody else. It didn't cross my mind that we would have third party issues, but oh well, it did. When I first heard the issue, I didn't believe in it. Though he hurted me already, in my mind, I was still defending him. He sent me a long message through facebook, apologizing for what had happened to us, for hurting me (well that didn't made him a true man, must have talked to me in person, right? Haha well its done) I felt so numb reading his message, for the reason that I started to hate him. I confronted him regarding the issue that he had another girl already, and unexpectedly, he admitted it was true. As I was reading his message, his explanations and everything, my world did fall apart. Tears ran down but I was really trying so hard to stop them from falling (oh c'mon so dramatic sh*t haha)
I kept on asking myself, "where did I go wrong?" countless questions running on my mind, yet no answers. And the most hated part is, he was the one who left, the one who hurted someone, yet the one who was happy. And me? a fucking loser looking entity (but not now anymore) Been crying for nights. Wishing he would come back and continue what we had started, but it wasn't. He's happy with somebody else now. It was hard for me to forget what we had and accept what happened to us. He left me hanging at the time when I'm loving him so much already. I trusted and believed in him so much that he wouldn't leave me. I wasn't prepared when he left. I hate him, but later on I'm starting to miss him again. Miserable again, then hatred strikes, then I'm gonna forget him, but later on gonna be sad again. The process was such a piece of hell, super shit. For months, I've been a complete dumb-ass, listening to sad songs, reminiscing and everything. 

BUT NOW, it's different. Maybe my heart got so tired of being so sad already. Haha I suddenly had this magical feeling that I could say, I moved on. I'm so much better now. Yes, I guess this is it. *i really hope so* I know I deserve to be happy, give my heart a break. Even though it ended up badly, I thank God why it happened to me. I learned so much from that experience. I know I had many expectations that just failed, expected we would last, he'll gonna be my first and last but it wasn't. Our "forever" has come to an end, forever is just a word. The experience made me stronger, exposed me to the world's reality that nothing lasts forever. I can't completely say I've forgotten him, 'coz I would really not. He was the first guy whom I loved the most and that couldn't be taken away from my mind. Even though we ended up like this, I know in myself I did my part well and I've been faithful to him. His loss really, not mine. Hahaha It's just that I've accepted what happened to us and say goodbye to the bittersweet memories we had. Time would heal everything, I believe in that :) Time would come that we'll be friends again and forgiveness will completely be given. What matters to me now is that I'm happy again, of course this is because of God and my friends <3 my epic friends were just the ones who knew what I'd been through, since I don't have the guts to share this with my family. Thank God indeed, he fulfilled my hopes and prayers. 

To end this up, what doesn't kill me made me stronger. Let's just face life's challenges. There's a rainbow always after the rain :) Let the good vibes roll!

++jian++


4 comments:

  1. Awww... That must be sad. But you know what, having family and friends during this tough times is more than enough already. Marami ka pang makikilala. One perfect timing and you'll be glad it happened.
    More love, less hate! :)


    ~ Sweetstrings

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    1. awwwwe thanks for that inspiring words Krizzia! :)

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